You're Alive! Creating Comfort Around Sexuality and Pleasure
"Shhhhh!" Can you see me putting my index finger up to my lips? We are going to talk about sex, here, but for many of us it was a topic that wasn't spoken about positively , or perhaps at all. And for some of us, not even to think about. And I bet many wish that they not only could talk about but wish they had been schooled on what language to use with another so as to feel not only satisfied, but safe, as well.
We are sexual and sensual beings. Period . We are also extremely social and are groomed in our culture to gain approval of others. Some of us know immediately if someone is uncomfortable with what we are talking about because there may be shame attached to it. Which means that memory gets stored inside our brain and body chemistry until we are tired of suffering consequences and are willing to heal those old wounds. So how can we begin being truly authentic so we no longer carry around the baggage that has hounded us for so long?
We want to feel good. And if you’re a spiritual / religious person you may also know that God/Universe/Spirit/Divinity wants us to live a life of goodness as well as feel that goodness inside our body. So I’m not only talking about how sexuality is natural and feels good, I’m saying that we’re placed on this earth to live a life that feels good/happy/peaceful. This is bigger than sexuality. This means finally admitting, "Yes, I really do want to feel good and be happy much of the time, and live in peace with my thoughts and with my body".
This idea that we “don’t deserve happiness and pleasure” feeds the message that many of us grew up with that “sex is bad/dirty/wrong” and in order to feel good we must work really really hard and even then peace of mind and happiness is elusive.
Accepting and receiving pleasure is our given birthright. We are worthy of this! And if you're fighting me on this one, just be aware of the first messages you received as a child around sexuality or having had done something that made us happy but the adult that was caring for us made it wrong somehow. We are worthy of experiences that make us feel good such as a deeply satisfying and velvety vanilla soft-serve ice cream or how warm and soothing the spring sun in April feels on our face after a cold bitter winter says its goodbyes, to how our favorite shirt feels on our skin or how the love shared with our partner feels in and out of the bedroom. WE ARE WORTHY OF GOODNESS!
Practice, practice, practice giving yourself one (what used to be called) physical/bodily luxury each day and see how it shifts your mood. Perhaps take a ride to the closest beach and put your hands and feet in the sand so your human electrical body reboots . If you don’t have a nearby beach to drive to, go to a home store and buy some sand and put some in a big bowl and let your feet rest in it or let your hands play with it. Take a warm salted bath with a few drops of an essential oil that you really love. Or go into your pantry/cabinet and take a favorite spice and breathe it in. Buy yourself luxurious sheets so you can sleep your deepest sleep. Consider taking care of your sexuality yourself or with your partner (so great for health and deep satisfaction with life!). Breathe, relax, and become present as you learn to receive better, tell your partner what your needs and wants are, and experience it in a way that fills all of your senses.
Take these experiences and apply them to the rest of your life and learn how easy it is to live a deeply satisfying life by being present and fully alive through your senses.